Do what you can with what you have where you are. -Teddy Roosevelt

Feb. 2000
I had just arrived home from a Winterhawk’s game and planning meeting with
the booster club.
Phone rang. Caller ID said it was my brother. My heart started beating
really really fast. If it is Michael and he is calling this late at night
something is wrong. Really wrong. I thought of his kids. Grabbed the phone
and said “what, just tell me” He replied “if you drink 12 beers a night, smoke, and
do not exercise your heart gives out” I screamed “no no no anybody else not Papa
it can’t be… Continue

This morning Ruth and I were skipping down the hallway on the way to her classroom. I sang “one two buckle your shoe”. She followed that up with “three four shut the damn door.” I heard a giggle behind us and turned to see the Director of the Preschool.

Papa taught her this.

It wasn’t me I swear ( oh I do swear maybe I should stop??? )

Tuesday her Dad came to our house to see her. After 15 minutes of coloring he falls asleep on the couch. Ruth screams, “wake up Daddy” and he sits up right and… Continue

Does Postpartum last three years I am wondering? Because I feel like it has.

So now I am awake. I am smiling. Don't get me wrong I have been smiling the past 3 years. Ruth has given me so much joy. Her little way of saying "ok Mama, thank you Mama" just warms my heart.

But I have been functioning in Mommy mode. Not a bad thing. Just well ... I kinda lost myself after my divorce. Somewhere around 1998 or 1999 I just went into survival mode. Then in 2005 the emotions of a lonely pregnancy and di… Continue

Tomorrow is Ruth's birthday. Her arrival into this world seems like it was yesterday.I remember it in vivid detail. I was in pain. Shaking, teeth shattering with shock. Crying, begging to just go home. My healthy, wonderful sweet girl came on her own terms. Sunny side up. I can even remember the smell of her. Us. The room. The light from the morning sun. The warm blankets. Her soft skin on mine. Relief. Joy. Wonder.

I knew I would be okay after Ruth was born. Physically. Isn't it odd how the pa… Continue

I sent this to a gal who is a business associate. I thought she would get a kick out of it. She asked me is this the chinese symbol for friendship. O M G