The "Boyfriend Breakup Monkey Tree Swing"

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Permalink Reply by S on October 16, 2009 at 8:23am

Can't say I've done this, but I have been on the opposite end far too many times as Jane-the-Girlfriend. It completely sucks. I've never been Next and probably haven't been because I stay away from the flirting if a guy is dating someone else.

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Permalink Reply by Wendee on October 16, 2009 at 12:32pm

I can honestly say I've never completed the swing, but I've felt it's pull. Generally it's when the current relationship is getting stagnant or Joe isn't paying enough attention. At that point there's a decision to be made before Next's branch is grabbed or even thought about, IMO.

Now, my ex... he was a regular flying monkey! He left his 1st relationship for his 1st wife, left her for the 1st relationship, swing back to wife #1, then landed in my tree. Once the bananas were all gone, he left for trees unknown....

Some people are perfectly fine being monkeys, or Joe or Next. I'm not into the game playing that happens in those situations, or the hurt they may cause.

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Permalink Reply by Don S. on October 16, 2009 at 12:53pm

Every time I've been in a relationship I was Next. I didn't know I was Next during the first few dates, it has more to do with the way I met my partners, we didn't meet in social circles, I met them all by happenstance and just asked them out. It wasn't until after a few dates that I found out out I was next. My ex-wife actually had to call me back because she was telling her Joe she wasn't coming over that night. But I've been Joe twice and it sucked. Okay I'm learning that we do it too. I suppose I just assumed women do it more because it was a group of women who I heard this from "Break-up Monkey Tree Swing"

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Permalink Reply by Janer on October 16, 2009 at 1:29pm

i may have done this in highschool, but i haven't done it since then. I'm a one man at a time kinda person. like to play out the relationship i'm in before considering the next.

The answer to your question is that many women are afraid of being alone, so if they are unhappy in a relationship (for any reason) they will stay until they find "Next"...even if he's only a replacement for loneliness (and has nothing in common with them). "next" is a "way out"; an excuse to leave, a safety net. I don't know you so i can't say why you are usually "Next" or even why you would have been "joe", but from what i've seen in my girlfriends, that's about what i know.

For some, the fear of being alone is much greater than the fear of being with someone who doesn't meet your "ideal man" expectations. SOME GUY is better than NO GUY. it's a sad state of affairs if you ask me, and i often try to convince my friends that being alone has its perks...usually they don't believe me though. My problem is usually the opposite...i leave men EASILY (probably too easily) and rarely stay to "work things out"...i know how much easier it is to be alone...and that's usually all i need if i need a "way out".

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Permalink Reply by uomeasmile (Kim) on October 16, 2009 at 11:59pm

I love the title... and it would make a fun song! But I am no tree swinger. I like to swing to my own tree after a relationship, get my own nest in order, grow my own bananas, before I start looking for Next. I guess in Texas we call it the grass is always greener. But truth be told, everyone's field has blights and burrs. You could jump the fence to the next field... because from afar those burrs are hidden, and the blights are easily ignored. I think we should work on our own pastures instead of jumping fences. But that is just me.

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Permalink Reply by Don S. on October 17, 2009 at 4:23am

ARE THERE NO SINNER'S ON THIS FORUM???

Come on... this "I'm pure as Ivory soap" BS is getting old as water and just as weak. Everybody has a PC answer for everything. When's the tea being served?

(wink wink... but not really)

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Permalink Reply by Janer on October 17, 2009 at 6:21am

first...i admitted i used to be the sinner.
second...sometimes it's not that easy to find a "replacement" right at the exact moment i get fed up with a guy...and since i'm not the type to hang around with a guy just for the sake of not being alone, i'm not going to hang on to joe's vine until Next comes along. Because that's really what it comes down to: being unhappy + having someone else to compare your Joe to + being afraid to leave Joe until you're sure the other guy is a viable option = choosing "Next".

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Permalink Reply by Anda on October 23, 2009 at 9:29am

Oh, how there are branches on both sides of every tree! To answer your initial question, and I think you already know this answer. In general, people swing from one relationship to another because they are afraid to be alone. This is what results from a lack of self confidence and a large amount of co-dependency.

I have been thinking back on my past relationships (and frankly there aren't that many of them) and I don't think I qualify as a swinger. You be the judge and tell me...

I was married at 18, spent 3 years in an undesirable situation and finally divorced him in October 2002.

Ran into an old friend a few weeks later, spent the week together, talked romance and decided it was a bad idea since he didn't live in the area.

Bought my own home the next month, stopped by the hardware store I worked at while married to relationship #1, and low and behold, there is the guy whose cute toosh caught my eye when he started working there. Gave him a quick update, something along the lines of, "hey I'm divorced now, give me a call if you want to do something some time" and off I went. That flourished into my latest failed relationship of 6 years.

By my definition - NOT swinging, how about by yours?

This topic actually raises a lot of questions for me and I think I will go post one of them on the main board right now!

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Permalink Reply by WhisperingWinds on November 21, 2009 at 1:58pm

I do not do this. The i am divorcing accused me this yet he does it.
I have ran into two exs. One would bug me and I had it. The other who is married and I dated in hs wanted an affair. I told him there was a reason I broke up with him and his wife is a judge. Even withiout that I still would not do it.

When I had the chance to do something with my first husband, I thought about it over the years, i could not. He tried. I could not go there.


I figure if you are in a relationship put all the effort you can into it then and leave no stone unturned. Break ups are sad but time to keep thinking foward. Otherwise ti would drive you nuts. I guess this is why I want this over now.

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Permalink Reply by WhisperingWinds on November 26, 2009 at 10:30pm

Don why do some men keep going to back to some women.?

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