Guys express themselves differently and I don't get it.

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Permalink Reply by Cathe on September 16, 2009 at 12:24pm

Not a guy however......

I believe that a relationship can last when two different love languages exist...the caveat....BOTH parties need to be be aware of it, need to be willing to work at it and need to speak/give/understand each other's language. You mentioned that you are willing; is he?

Keep in mind that men are simple creatures. He perhaps is very surface level in his communication and emotions where you are much deeper and are maybe more mature in that department.

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Permalink Reply by S on September 16, 2009 at 1:06pm

I think he is aware of it and tries to be willing to understand me. At least he has said to me that he has made an effort to clearly not do things that are behavior of other guys I have dated in the past that told my instincts they were ready to bolt. I think he is one of those doer people. Like the guy who vacuums the rug as a way to show he cares. lol. But in essence to him he is showing me in action what I can say in words. It's just hard to read...like he is speaking Greek to me.

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Permalink Reply by Don S. on September 16, 2009 at 12:53pm

I love how women will circle a rock for days poking it with a stick and wonder why it's still a rock when they've finally gotten too tired to hold up the stick. We project too, we just project a different movie. Ours looks more like a tape of Girls Gone Wild than Fried Green Tomatoes.

There's nothing wrong with saying to him and to yourself, I need more than the good sex. (which is chemistry BTW and it wears off after 18-24mos) You can have good sex with any body (the space was intentional)

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Permalink Reply by S on September 16, 2009 at 1:11pm

haha Don. Well right because he was like I'll do it in my own time in my own way. I guess it's wondering if his own way will make me content since we don't speak the same. Just wasn't sure if anyone else has run into this and if things worked out or not.

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Permalink Reply by Richie on September 17, 2009 at 7:44am

I believe they can IF both parties understand that they "speak different love languages" and are willing to step outside of their comfort zone from time to time just to show the other party that they do in fact feel the same way.

What really makes the difference here, to me at least, is how long the relationship has been going on. Personal I am kind of in the middle ground. I can be very verbal affectionate yet I will not always say what I'm feeling. Especially if I feel it is too soon to state those feelings. I am not about to just hand of my heart to someone that I've been seeing for a few months even if I care dearly for them. I will find some way to show I care but that does not mean that I am ready for you to meet my daughter and move in together.

He could have every deep feeling for you but wants to make sure these feeling are true before he states them. Really this protects him as well as you and your little one. Give him some time. If he feels rushed, he will back away (I would at least).

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Permalink Reply by Janer on October 6, 2009 at 5:43pm

i don't know the answer to that...i have always been too impatient to find out. I recently dated a guy (who i am still friends with and who i consider dating still if he gets a job with human hours- not vampire hours) but part of the issue for us was the difference in language. i am touchy feely...he is not. But i did mention it to him and he wanted to try..and did try (unfortunately, the vampire hours meant we rarely saw eachother, so progress was slow). I can't say whether it would wourk out or not...but if you two are willing to discuss it (not fight over it) it's possible. i too wonder how long it has been.

but sometimes, you have to just decide..."am i getting what i need? and will i ever get what i need from this person? and if not, am i willing to settle for what he can give?"

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Permalink Reply by Jenny on January 7, 2010 at 2:27pm

I hear ya 100%-- only I ended up being the only one "getting it" and he really wasn't willing to listen to me so I had to give up. We have an easier time accepting men as being different and trying to understand, where men seem to see we are different and never explore the uncharted territory as much. Women are more "relational adventurers" .. Since you have recognized him and how he shows you, appreciate him there and see what happens. (I have the book too). You may have to blatantly tell him nicely that you see how he loves you and appreciate it and that really your the type of woman who responds really well to " fill in the blank"... or show him. If it gets that once he knows and he gets offended or hurt and refuses to see YOU well, then you may have some choices as to what you can and cannot deal with. If you do not let him know you could be left with feeling like you are doing all the relationship work and start to feel unsatisfied in and out of the bedroom. Come on ladies, if we KNOW our needs are met outside of the bedroom, we then rock it inside.. hmmm? Its gotta be both of you wanting to do for the other.. and it may take someone to start it.. but eventually it has to be both. He may not be ready for the relational needs of a woman, but who is ready for anything? Its a good time for him to learn if he wants to be with one!!

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Permalink Reply by WhisperingWinds on January 10, 2010 at 6:28pm

My first ex and this one to be the ex, did two things that to me stood the test of time. Advice i had gotten by other mne. A guy who likes you , really ikes you will not rush to have sex if you say and stick around. Will be patient if need to stay with the kids over them for illness etc. and not whine about it.
A man who loves you will climb mts for you. My first said this, and i forget the advice for a while but it is true...
if a man cares about you and not for sex, action speaks louder than words.

We women want to please and show affection. I hold back in the beginning and let them make the initial move. If they do not then you know.If you make the moves and they do not reciprocate you have your answer.

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