Venturing into the "dating" websites - wow is THIS bizarre!

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Permalink Reply by WhisperingWinds on November 20, 2009 at 2:24pm

I dated men much older and younger. The latter one was 2 yrs that lasted a long long time 7 yrs. But theo odd one was when I was in my early 30s. Met a guy but he lied about his age Said he was 29 was barely 21 and only a a few years older than my son. But married. I soon dumped him. TO me it was wierd. The guy I am divorcing was trying to hit on girls younger than my daughter. She was 18 then. he was 47.
Some age difference is ok but it then become an issue as time goes by in some cases. I prefer someone now near my own generation. I get why women want someone younger. Less, well old fashioned. More open is the only way I can put it.

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Permalink Reply by Pegasus on November 21, 2009 at 8:10pm

Many schools of thought on the subject I guess, WW. I think age is largely a non-factor when it's strictly an adult-to-adult interaction. When kids are in the mix though, I think the dynamic changes a lot. It just struck me as odd that the site I'm referring to is specifically a single parents site so one would think there would be a child-first focus. SP's or not, it seems like a lot of these people are pretty much concerned about their own second childhood rather than their child(ren).

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Permalink Reply by Angel Christine on November 20, 2009 at 3:12pm

Well, to be a bit blunt, I don't believe that people should go to "dating" sites for "friends". Try the newspaper, Craigslist, Meetup.com, local kid-friendly establishments, etc. But I wouldn't try dating sites. That is just my thoughts. Good luck!

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Permalink Reply by Pegasus on November 21, 2009 at 8:21pm

From what I've seen so far I'd hafta agree 100%. Even though it's specifically a single parents site, the most common goal is the hook-up. I looked at Craigslist awhile back and that was WAY worse! Upon digging deeper I did find a cool meetup.com group in my area that seems to have a nice mix of people that are more focused on expanding social circles. If I had more time I'd start a kid-friendly group for parents of 'tweens. Maybe as things settle down next spring.

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Permalink Reply by WhisperingWinds on November 21, 2009 at 9:21pm

I agree pegasus about the second childhood thing. I do not get that.

No one grows up anymore? lol

Craigst list has a meet market though. Funny story on thtat the extob wanted the girl he dumped for the girl he lived with for 2 yrs 3 yr before he met me. He found her on craigslist. She was a well. druggy and hooking on the side. That is how it works in his neck of the world. Not in the US.

I met him online in a single parent group. I made two mistakes with hm though. I wil not say what. The other guy I met I should have kept dating.

I think groups like this are better. But you have to be brave. 6 yrs ago I was a bit more timid. One thing I have learned is literally make a list of what you want and do not want and do not negotiate much. I did that and I lost. Hard when you want to find ms or mr right. The other thing is to stay true to yourself. We sometimes are taught not to be rude and ask questions. Ask and if the other person balks well that means they have something to hide.

I think to many have been burned or no loner see commitment and just something for the short term. A lot of younger people I know say that. It seems to be fustrating to men. A whole new dating dynamic has come about. I often think matchmaking is the best routte because most people who do that are looking for love seriously. Not just for fun or headgames.

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Permalink Reply by Pegasus on November 25, 2009 at 9:46pm

I absolutely agree that a "community" type group such as iHeart is much better for making friends and also seeing a person's genuine nature. Problem is that as much as I love my e-friends it's important to me to expand my circle of local SP friends. I think I've found a cool meetup group on my side of town that's more social in nature. I'll find out next week how that goes as far as networking with other single SP's. I plan on connecting with the nearby middle school that Shay may go to for 8th grade and getting involved on an appropriate level when time allows.

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Permalink Reply by Rebekah on November 23, 2009 at 10:41am

Well, you already know my opinion about dating someone with a significant age difference. lol... I think many women who are looking for a younger man on a dating site aren't really looking for a long-term relationship that will benefit their child. They are looking for a noncommittal fling in their otherwise stressful and sex-starved lives. After a divorce, many women are so disillusioned by their previous relationship that they aren't ready or willing to invest in another man. They've become jaded. So young, fun, instant gratification is the "solution."

I've never been on a dating website looking for a "friends-only" connection. However, I have met people who were very serious about making friends with the purpose of determining if one of these friendships could be taken to a romantic level. I'm not exactly sure their intentions are different than yours. They are simply more direct in their approach. For what it's worth, almost every first date I've been on since becoming single has involved fun with my daughter. That right there weeds out 90% of the creeps.

My ex-husband was much older than me, and the age difference between me and my step-daughter (or lack thereof) was a little awkward at first, but I was still old enough that she looked up to me and admired me, so that part wasn't really a big deal. My feathers get a bit ruffled when some old dude starts dating a girl the same age or younger than his daughter. I want to ask them, "How would you feel if some old fart your age was dating YOUR daughter???"

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Permalink Reply by Pegasus on November 25, 2009 at 9:21pm

Great to see you out & about, Rebekah! I see compatibility as an issue of life phases being in synch more than age, providing that the roles of all involved - especially minor children - don't become muddled by age weirdness. I think its a much more tenuous issue when there is a gender difference between the step-parent and the child. I wonder how the dynamic would have been if you had been step-parenting a boy. Or me a girl...YIKES! Had it been a 34 year-old stepdaughter that would have been WAAAY creepy!

I already have a feeling that the dating site thing is going to be an experiment gone horribly awry. I may just pull the plug real quick. Just too much opportunity to misread the intent. I'm not as concerned about the crazies (I can usually read them) as I am the direction of the relationship being horribly misconstrued. It is after all a "dating" website and I'm not there to date, per se. I now rather feel like a putz (*hanging head*). In the back of my mind I know that part of the reason I chose to participate was for a women who is looking for a relationship to validate that I may have something to offer. Guess a part of me just needed to know that. (*hanging head further*) Life lessons never stop, do they?

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Permalink Reply by WhisperingWinds on November 23, 2009 at 12:17pm

rebeka i agree. my stbx is witha women not much older than his sons. he went out with a lady then he tried ot hit on her teenage neice. who was younger than his daughter. he one day said his own daughtters pic on facebook was sexy. ew.... it was looking down her chest.

that one creeped me out. i admit when women hit thier 30s our hormones can be bad like a male teenagers. ugh hormones!

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