Tis the season....for feeling very alone

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Permalink Reply by Travis on December 7, 2009 at 1:02pm

Oh, the problem is shared. It's impressively lonely even when you provide all the needs for your kids, and then not being able to share all the things you do with someone. As Christmas is looming, I'm dealing with the fact that I don't really want to do anything since I don't have my kids for Christmas. It's taken effort to make Christmas happens this year. They will get a lot of things from her new boyfriend and she gets way out of hand in the decoration department. so I don't know what to do in that regard. And, nothing beats the influence of woman's touch on Christmas time. It makes it all that more awesome. So yeah, it's reminding me quite often that even when you have people around you, you feel alone.

Do not feel stupid, as many people, including myself feel the exact same way.

Now with teenagers... maybe she needs to understand your situation better, maybe they need to know your struggles. I've always been open with my kids about the costs of needs and the wants.

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Permalink Reply by WhisperingWinds on December 7, 2009 at 7:43pm

Since my first marriage had all the abuse at christmas and holidays I felt a huge relief. no more fighting!

Try to reconnect with friends or former family. I finally did after revolving my life around two uncaring husbands. Friends are good for the soul .Even if you find one or two good lifelong friends.

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Permalink Reply by Shane on December 7, 2009 at 8:17pm

I know that feeling all to well this will be my 2nd year of not having a woman to share my life with and it does get old,I feel alone and empty.

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Permalink Reply by Jenn on December 7, 2009 at 8:47pm

oh I do understand the abuse on the holidays, and I do not miss that at all, the crying all the way over to my parents and then being told to pull it together so that he didnt look bad, like my parents couldnt tell that I was upset!!!! so I went through many years of that (we were together for 6 years, and at least 3 of them went that way) but now this is my 4th christmas completely alone. Yes I do realize that I have alot of good friends that love me alot, it still doesnt fill that empty spot that being in love with someone would help fill!! I'm actually fairly certain that no one has ever been in love with me, which is pretty hard to swallow!

I just think that this past year I have had some huge blows to my ego. I tried to date and failed miserably!! its starting to make me feel like i'm not good enough to be loved. then add the kids not appreciating me, and failing at losing weight, well its been a recipe for disaster on my feelings and confidence over the past couple months!!

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Permalink Reply by Jenny on December 7, 2009 at 10:21pm

I as well feel your pain and can definitely relate to your sorrows. I do agree that maybe its time to open your real financial situation to your children (at levels they can understand) How old is your oldest? I think you stated it yourself.. you give them everything.. maybe not so much anymore? It seems you are being manipulated into giving into her wants and thats not the reality of the real world. I know the loneliness.. I know my child as a single mom does not get all the stuff his friends do and I know he feels the pressure already at 6.. but I also know that my child knows how to handle "no" a little more than some other kids. As far as the loneliness... I so am with you.. I wish anything sometimes to have a great guy to share all our new family traditions with.. But please do not feel less for not giving into your children's whim.. I am not a saint.. but my son and I go and help at the Heart to Heart to wrap gifts and hand out presents to children in need.. he really gets into it and see's truly first hand how blessed we are and its just plain fun... I encourage you to take this on as a new year to start some new traditions or something creative and not spendy to do with your family.. I still feel alone but the whole giving out in my loneliness does indeed help improve the view of my circumstances.. I was also raised by a single dad and well, he may not have had all the flashy lights and decorations and yes Thank you guys for appreciating the God given talents of women.. but he did Christmas in a very "manly" way and it was kind of fun... not because it was glamorous but because his heart was in it.. he chopped a tree every year that we would pick out... and then he would string those outside lights and he made us mashed potatoes!! Ha! I loved that one! my father could not read so he bought the Christmas Story on tape for us and we listened to that.. he did what he could with what he had and I look back and I saw heart in it and that is what made it special.. I wish as humans we could just reach in to each other and take the loneliness out.. I hate sometimes that I am alone.. but I see now that its all in our hearts and how we look at it that will affect how our children see it.. I have NO MONEY! so this year its heart to heart.. our wrapping paper is going to be the funny pages I collected this past year, and our tree is decorated in home-made ornaments and old lady beads that I got a thrift store!! and the event? sledding if there is snow or a drive around town looking at the lights and a good bed-time story.. I don't really have anyone either.. I hope this is taken as its meant ..as an encouragement.. I am so with you on the pain and loneliness.. you are not weird for feeling the way you do... I struggle too.. but our kids will have a better grasp on reality I think because of our struggles if we have a great attitude in the midst of them.. I will be praying for you that the loneliness will subside and that you feel how great you are this year as a parent! Good Job for taking care of those children and you are doing it and we really need to be proud of all that we endure.. I will be home as well for christmas so if you are needing a friend to vent to here is my email jennyvme@yahoo.com or hit me up for chat or something if you want to... I just know how it is and we all need someone to listen.. if not please reach out to someone around you or find someone else that may be lonely and start a new christmas? I don't have to know you to care.. I just do because I feel it with you.. I do.

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