Is it really that bad to let your child sleep in your bed?

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Permalink Reply by Richard on January 2, 2010 at 11:17am

Yes it is way past time to have him sleep in his own bed, all parents have a hard time with this and more so for single parents.
Are lives are full as it is so an upset child at bedtime is the last thing we want to deal with, but they sleep better in their own bed and so do we.
Even if your child does go to bed upset it also teaches that no matter the fit they throw there are some things they cant have they're own way with which is a life lesson as well.

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Permalink Reply by Ofelia on January 2, 2010 at 11:32am

Well thats the thing. He doesnt throw a fit he just looks scared....I'm going to talk to him today. We'll see how it goes. :)

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Permalink Reply by WhisperingWinds on January 2, 2010 at 11:37am

When the kids were little i slept with them sometimes but I know it is not good. I had to sleep with my daughter for years but she is a special needs child and used to have seizures are night. I now sleep alonel.

At 8 he should sleep alone. My mom began to sleep with my brother after she divorce but he does have some issues over it. When she died he had a hard time with itl I am close to my son and when he was enlisted in the the natl guard and went on activfe duty at was tough on us both but we needed that time apart. It is how we mature as adults.

My one child has autism and for years she did not sleep well and I was a zombie. So i love i get my normal sleep now.

I would ask a pediatrician for help. If he is having a lot of anxiety over it as well.

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Permalink Reply by WhisperingWinds on January 2, 2010 at 11:39am

We all have that fear of screwing up but no one is right and sometimes it just trial and error.

Get him a night light if you hot and speak to him about any fears he has and try to dispell them.

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Permalink Reply by Ofelia on January 2, 2010 at 11:54am

Thank you Whisper. You know that is one of my biggest fears...cutting the cord. I know i cant always be there to protect him, I have to learn how to let go a little. Maybe it's not just him, maybe I'm the one thats scared to let him out of my sight....he is very attached to me and vice versa.

Tonight, he's sleeping in his own room. I'll let you guys know how that works out. Thanks!

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Permalink Reply by WhisperingWinds on January 2, 2010 at 2:45pm

I just sent you message.,

I will post part of it here. My mom gut was to be protectro but when my son got back form boot camp he told me he wished I had been tougher harder on him. We raise our kids to be strong and independent for the day we are not around. My mom was tougher on me than my siblings and when times have been tough I survived. I used to be mad at her for treating me differently but when she died and my siblings just fell apart for months, i realized she had done me a big favor. I forgave her for not being nicer to me.
It has helped me when my own daughter has been sick or been dx with something else. There are time i want to quit and give up but I know i cannot.


I remember the first time I put my son in eagle scouts and they went on 17 mile bike ride and camped in 17 cold in winter on snow. I was scared. But it helped him build confidence.

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Permalink Reply by Brandiwyne31 on January 3, 2010 at 9:24pm

I'm sorry but I just do not agree with any of the responses so far. There is no certain age a child MUST be in their own bed, and there is NOTHING wrong with co-sleeping either. In fact, the majority of the world still has a family bed. Even Dr. Sears supports co-sleeping and co-slept with his kids. I always find it funny how many people like to refer to him like he's the know all baby doctor until it applies to something they don't like, like co-sleeping or vaccinations. He will not sleep with you forever, regardless of whether or not you force him into his own room or not. Saying you should've been harder on your kid to make them leaving for college, or a death, etc easier on you is about the same thing as not ever allowing yourself to fall in love because eventually you'll get hurt. So silly IMO! I know I'll probably get attacked for this post, but I just get so frustrated with everyone trying to follow this set of rules with every kid. Kids are not the same, regardless of whether they are "special needs" or not. Some kids are quite happy and sleep better in their own bed as toddlers, some don't until they're well into grade school. Not to mention, statistically, kids that are raised in an attachment parenting household (co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, NOT using CIO to get to sleep, etc) tend to grow into MORE independent children and adults!

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Permalink Reply by Ofelia on January 3, 2010 at 10:42pm

Hi Brandi! You know I have asked a few other people and they all said the same thing. Its not healthy. However, I never paid attention. I dont think that forcing a child to sleep alone and letting him go to sleep feeling sad or scared will make him more secure or independent. There are so many things I'm not sure of and I feel clueless sometimes, So I ask for others opinions. I do feel like it's time for him to sleep in his own room. We talked about it and he agreed....as long as I sleep on the couch in the livingroom, which is closer to his room than my room is. We're taking baby steps here. If he cant do it then I really dont have a problem letting him back in my bed but we have to keep trying.

I dont think you'll get attacked, hope not. Everyone has their own opinion and I thank you for your comment, it made me feel like I'm not too crazy by letting him do this. :)

Tonight is the 2nd night he sleeps in his room. He kept calling me every 10 mins to ask me random questions lol I promised him I will sleep on the couch and he could call me whenever he wanted to or needed something.

You know earlier I asked him to do something I usually do for him and he said..."Mom, you're already making sleep by myself, now you want me to do this?...wow mom, slow down!"...I couldnt stop laughing lol he's so funny....

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Permalink Reply by WhisperingWinds on January 4, 2010 at 11:16am

That is a good way to go about Ofelia. Slow but steady.

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Permalink Reply by John Wade on January 4, 2010 at 8:19pm

Don't worry about this, he's 8, its only too old when he gets older. My son would prefer to sleep with me or his Mom also. I too understand the uncomfortable part, he hogs the bed!! But give it time, reward him for the nights he can make it on his own and eventually he'll grow out of it or just get used to sleeping alone. Most of us go through this, take your time. There are More important "life lessons" to teach at this time, is sleeping on your own really a "life lesson", who knew.

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Permalink Reply by argonaut (Scott) on January 4, 2010 at 11:45pm

There is nothing "wrong" with sleeping with your child. Scientifically speaking children who are not held, and touched as babies will have deep psychological problems. This is one of the reason they wrap babies tightly in the hospital nursery. However, an eight year old is not a baby and can sleep on there own without harm. Do they "have" to? No. But, whatever you do be consistent. I would approach it with him as "you are a big boy now" or start with a mattress on the floor.

He will probably abuse the calling you thing. He is a kid. :)

Discipline whether it be following your instructions to sleep in his own room or pick up his own toys will not scar him. It will help him. It is easier to teach this when young.

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Permalink Reply by Ofelia on January 5, 2010 at 8:17am

You know I was talking to my mom about this and she said I shouldnt make a big deal about it since I slept with her till I was 10 lol...and I turned out "Ok"...I think haha.

We're still trying. The second night he ended up asking me to sleep in his bed. He said he'll try again but was not going to promise anything haha. Like I said before, I will not force him to do this. He is a great kid, respectful and kind and absolutely perfect =) I guess when he's ready he'll let me know.

And yes....when I said he could call me if he needed anything. He called me every 10 mins...I love kids lol

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