I need serious dating help...

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Permalink Reply by WhisperingWinds on November 9, 2009 at 2:45pm

Hi. i once thought I was needy and felt the same as you did. I realized my issue was partly from being ignored as a child and abuse in a marriage. I have smaller issues now. Try counseling and you are doing a good thing by asking others. I had to learn to be different as I call. I had to have less fears of rejection.

I too can come off mean. My face. I have been told this over and over so i try to make a conscious effort to smile more around people. I tend to be to serious. I often think this comes from being ignored or rejcected or bullied as c hild or an adult

For me having good friends who saw past my face and saw my good heart made a difference for me. I guess it is what we project or do not project. My face can seem mean but i have to keep a positive outlook and my heart is a good hearted one. It belies my face.

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Permalink Reply by Jenny on December 7, 2009 at 10:47pm

Just coming out of a situation where I too am a pretty awesome and confident girl myself and here is what I learned... you come with a commitment label that maybe some guys just aren't ready for. It isn't that you are needy.. its that they are not where you may be in their own lives. They are getting their needs met by having the good time.. but yours are not. I tend to be just like you. I fell into the physical intimacy SO fast.. I stopped that and well.. guys really do like to have something to pursue. Sure it may seem they are going for the easy thing (NOT that you are easy in any way.. ) but do they ever give their hearts to them? Nope. You seem to cool to pass up. I myself have taken some steps back and see next time.. less physical and more relational getting to know each other maybe for awhile? That is just me. i am pretty outgoing like you and I know what I want.. but we kinda have to know what we want in our circumstances and have been forced to grow more than those that are not in ours.. doesn't make us better.. just makes us who we are... so my ex admitted that we went to fast and of course I knew what I wanted and guess what he just backed away because he wasn't sure and well he has been kind enough to admit that he is sorry he wasn't man enough to consider he couldn't love me the way I needed... i want a great guy to just hang with too and well.. watch The Office with!! and cook with and just be goofy.. but I do have a child and that is a reality that some guys just aren't willing to handle... good! then only REAL MEN NEED APPLY! THANKS! hehe... I see it may not be you and if you think it is then maybe see a counselor.. that never hurts anyone and its a great tool for growing.. you are not NEEDY.. you just have NEEDS.. there is a difference! Remember that! Do you call the guy more than twice a day? do you stop your life for him? do you chase him all over town.. probably not.. then you are not needy! Its too bad these guys can't tell you honestly.. guess that's proof that they are not mature yet.. I know my ex struggled with that. You sound to mature for them.. I say as hard as it is I KNOW! I have fallen into the whole physical thing too fast (hence the single mother status!) but if you can hold back a little on that part and let it just be a natural friendship and not focus so much on the BIG picture relationship then its a win win.. you get to know someone for who they really are.. you protect your heart.. you protect your childs heart and well if it goes further.. no more wondering if its you or not... I say this out of the BIG FALL I just took and the realizations I have encountered the past months... you are too cool it seems to stay single forever.. some guy will see it and he will value you and let the snuggle person in you be the sweet reward for the guy who stays and pursues your heart! You are not needy or lacking.. you are learning and human.. I was taught last week: Keep your standards high and expectations low.. your worth the wait! Guys do like a little chase.. you know what I am saying? I know this is my new plan for the year so I can start attracting some more mature men into my own life.. hope some of it can bless you on your journey as well.. you are not alone I am totally with you on this one girl!

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