Forgiveness.

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Permalink Reply by Stacey on August 24, 2009 at 10:11pm

I think Forgiveness is an important part of moving on emotionally....for everyone. But, I also think the therapist is right....some things Are Unforgiveable.

In order for me not to be bitter about being a single mommy to Justin, I had to forgive his father, not in person, but at least mentally or else I would still hold on to the feeling of it being my fault. After speaking with my therapist an hour a week for 8 or 9 weeks I learned that I had to do it.

Unforgiveable things for me; Lying intentionally, Unfaithfullness, spreading rumors about you. That just doesn't fly with me.
I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone else, but there's my 2 cents.

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Permalink Reply by alexpv507 on August 24, 2009 at 10:28pm

It's really hard to forgive someone that never admitted their mistakes in the first place, and thus don't even think they owe you an apology. I highly commend you for forgiving him. Every time I see my son it hurts me to know that this is the kind of life that he was born into despite for me to do all I can to be together as a "family." After I heard all those lies and accusations against me, it's really difficult for me to forgive me ex, but it's made it easier for me to want to move on with my life without her. I think she needs to ask God for forgiveness.

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Permalink Reply by Janer on August 25, 2009 at 2:23am

i second that alex. hard to forgive someone who not only refuses to take responsibility for their actions, but continually repeats the same actions over and over again. you are a better woman than i kim.

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Permalink Reply by Angel Christine on August 25, 2009 at 6:36am

Dear, sweet, Kim. I absolutely believe it is necessary to move on and I also believe you are setting an excellent example for your girls. Life is way too short to hold anger, hate or hurt in your heart.

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Permalink Reply by Mr. Green on August 25, 2009 at 10:59am

Forgiveness is not about them, its about you.

We forgive to give up anger. To forgive is not to give back trust, to restore to what it was, or regain something lost.

Too often we "forgive" someone to only have them fool, lie, cheat, steal, from us again and again. In those cases, we fully missed the point of the lesson. Always remember what they did!

My ex had an abortion with out even telling me she was prego. She didn't tell me until 2 months had past, she had to go to the doctor for pains in that area, and wouldn't let me come to see the doc with her. After the appointment, she broke down in the car and told me everything, and was totally a wreck over doing it and hiding it from me.

Forgiveness = no anger. Had I found out on my own, had she not regreted it, I would have loved to relish in some anger and hate her. Did I ever trust her again to not do it again?? NO WAY!! I grilled her on everything she did, everywhere she went, until after my son was born and I got fixed!

Forgiving someone can help us grow and become better people, just never forget. Or you may be forgiving the same person over and over again.....

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Permalink Reply by Ofelia on December 5, 2009 at 12:11pm

I agree 100% with you. I find it really hard to forgive my son's father for everything he has ever done to him. He never apologized. I want to forgive him and when I look at him I try to act like everything's fine (for the sake of my son) but I can't. Sometimes I even feel like I hate him. I never want to hate anyone but I hate the fact that he makes me feel hate. Does that make sense? He doesn't love my son, he doesn't care for anyone but himself, he's never there for him, he lies to him, he promises things then he disappears for months. My son loves him...he forgives him so I think I should also, I want to so bad but I dont think it'd make a diff because he's just going to keep hurting my baby.

Kim, I admire you for doing this, great lesson for your kids to learn. And if he has a good relationship with them, then you made the right choice. Good job, you sound like a great mom. :)

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Permalink Reply by Jordan on August 25, 2009 at 12:38pm

Anger can rot a person. I can get mad, like crazy mad, but I have to realize that as much as I hate, I am hated just the same. I've been in situations where I thought I'd drown in a sea of hatred only to find myself two days later feeling a closeness with this person because we share something so beautiful. With that, forgiveness isn't just important, it's vital. The world is a pretty scaring f'd up place, but those pockets of beauty that we see are usually near a forgiving person.

I trust your core beliefs, I'd second guess the therapist's. However, this doesn't mean you need to be jolly to the ex; retribution is another topic that I don't quite understand. :)

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Permalink Reply by Shannon Barnes on August 25, 2009 at 3:41pm

So few people can forgive without something there first, such as an apology. It is said that the best way to move on in life is to forgive. How can you get past the issues if you don't forgive? It simply shows how much further along the healing path you are than he is and how much more life means to you. Nice job getting there.

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Permalink Reply by Richard on August 25, 2009 at 8:37pm

While i commend your ability to forgive there are drawbacks. Today it seems the prevalant thought to forgive those that harm or hurt us is the best course of action, and it can be a good thing for the healing process but at what point do we choose to forgive a bit much.
There has to come a point when you can say no, to forgive is unacceptable, and I don't want to come across harsh or down right mean, but accountability for wrongs done anymore seem to be just a thing we use to do.

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Permalink Reply by Candace on August 25, 2009 at 9:17pm

You forgive for yourself not for him. It shows you are a strong women willing to lead by example. One day he will miss that women and you will be happier without him

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Permalink Reply by Steve G. on August 28, 2009 at 12:11am

Kim, forgiveness is the key to inner peace. Forgiveness is a spiritual path. Forgiveness releases resentment, and when we carry resentment we are just poisoning ourselves. Our resentments affect us more than they affect the ones we resent. When I forgive someone it isn't about them, it's about me. I always ask what would god want me to do.

Keep up the good work and you will find a new life, an awesome life, a life beyond your wildest dreams, because you will love Kim more and more. Happy, joyous, and free, freedom from bondage.

Looking forward to talking soon!!

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Permalink Reply by Steve G. on August 29, 2009 at 1:54pm

Also prayer for the person we resent helps with the forgiveness process.

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